Chapter 19- Making It Love

Chapter 19- Donovan

I stared at Hugh for a long moment, the weight of his question settling between us like an anchor. Then, with a clipped tone, I answered, “No.”

“Then why is he still your agent?” Hugh narrowed his eyes. His voice was calm but pointed, his eyes sharp with curiosity. “Because from where I’m standing, it looks like you can’t stand the man.”

I exhaled heavily, pressing my fingers against my temple before shutting my eyes briefly. The past felt like a tangled thread in my mind, one I had no desire to unravel, but since we were stuck in this motel room, I felt like I didn’t have a choice but to answer. When I opened my eyes again, I let out a resigned sigh and began.

“When I sold my first book, Marcus was the obvious choice to be my agent. Or at least, that’s what everyone told me. He was already wildly successful—representing some of the biggest names in literary fiction. I was no one. Just a kid who had poured his cynicism and heartbreak into a novel, hoping someone might take notice. And somehow, he did. It shocked me. I couldn’t understand why someone at his level would even bother with me.”

I ran a hand through my hair, feeling the familiar prickle of old shame crawling up my spine. “A few weeks after he signed me, he hit on me. I, well, didn’t say no.”

Hugh’s expression didn’t change, but I could tell he was listening carefully. I forced myself to keep going. “Marcus was attractive enough, I guess, but that wasn’t really the point. He was powerful. He could take my career and catapult it to heights I never imagined. So I went along with it. We started dating, and then—” I swallowed hard. “Then it became something more.”

Hugh shifted slightly, the movement small but perceptible. His voice was quieter when he asked, “Were you ever in love with him?”

I grimaced, the question landing like a blow to the ribs. My jaw tightened, and I looked away. A muscle in my cheek twitched as I forced out the words, low and unconvincing. “Yes, I think?”

I let out a harsh laugh, the sound grating against my own ears. “I don’t know. Maybe I convinced myself I was, because it made the whole thing easier to swallow. The truth is, I was using him. And he was using me right back.”

Hugh’s gaze remained steady, his expression unreadable. “So what changed?”

I felt my shoulders sag, the weight of the past bearing down on me. “I did. Or at least, I tried to. After my fifth book hit the bestseller list, I felt like I had some leverage. Like maybe I didn’t need Marcus as much as I thought I did. So I ended things.”

“And he didn’t take it well.” It wasn’t a question.

I shook my head, a bitter smile twisting my lips. “No, he didn’t. He made it clear he could destroy my career just as easily as he’d built it up. Said he’d blacklist me with every publisher in the industry if I didn’t toe the line.”

Hugh’s brow furrowed, a flicker of anger passing over his features. “So you stayed with him.”

“Not like that,” I clarified quickly. “But I kept him on as my agent, yeah. I didn’t have a choice. He had all the power, and he knew it.”

I suddenly felt exhausted. “And now, here I am. Still tied to him, even after everything. It’s pathetic.”

Hugh was silent for a long moment, his eyes searching my face. When he finally spoke, his voice was soft but firm. “It’s not pathetic. It’s survival. You did what you had to do.”

I met his gaze, something in my chest loosening at the understanding I saw there. “Maybe. But it doesn’t feel like living.”

Hugh leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees. “So change it. You’re not that struggling writer anymore, and you’re not alone. You have options.”

I huffed out a breath, shaking my head. “It’s not that simple.”

“No,” Hugh agreed, “but it’s not impossible either. You just have to decide what you want, and then fight like hell for it.”

I stared at him, my mind spinning with the possibilities. Could I really do it? Could I break free from Marcus, once and for all? The thought was terrifying, but also strangely exhilarating.

“I don’t know if I’m strong enough,” I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper.

Hugh’s hand reached out, his fingers brushing against mine. “You are. And if you ever doubt it, just remember – you’ve got me in your corner.”

I looked down at our hands, a small smile tugging at the corners of my mouth. For the first time in a long time, I felt a flicker of hope. Maybe Hugh was right. Maybe I could change my story, after all.

Hugh’s hand slid fully into mine, our fingers intertwining. The warmth of his touch sent a shiver down my spine, and I found myself unable to look away from the sight of our joined hands. My pulse quickened, a fluttering sensation taking root in my stomach.

Hugh leaned in closer, his breath warm against my cheek as he whispered, “Donovan, there’s something I need to tell you.”

I swallowed hard, my mouth suddenly dry. The air between us felt charged, electric with a tension that had been building since the moment we’d met. I forced myself to meet his gaze, my voice barely audible as I asked, “What is it?”

Hugh’s eyes searched mine, a mix of vulnerability and determination swirling in their depths. “I… I have feelings for you, Donovan. Genuine feelings. The kind that keep me up at night, wondering what it would be like to hold you, to kiss you, to be with you in every way possible.”

My breath caught in my throat, my heart pounding so loudly I was sure he could hear it. I’d suspected, hoped even, that there was something more between us than just our working together. But to hear him say it out loud, to have him confirm what I had been too afraid to acknowledge… it was overwhelming.

I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. Instead, I squeezed his hand tighter, hoping the gesture would convey everything I couldn’t say.

Hugh’s lips curved into a small smile, his thumb brushing gently across my knuckles. “I know this is complicated. I know you’re still dealing with the fallout from Marcus, and the last thing I want to do is pressure you or make things harder for you. But I couldn’t keep pretending that what I feel for you isn’t real.”

I nodded slowly, my mind racing with a thousand thoughts and emotions. Part of me wanted to pull away, to run from the intensity of what was happening between us. But a bigger part of me, the part that had been drawn to Hugh from the very beginning, wanted to lean in, to close the distance between us and see where this could go.

“Hugh, I…” I started, my voice trembling slightly. “Don’t think for one second I don’t have feelings for you too. But I wonder if it’s right to pursue anything with you.”

Hugh’s eyebrows drew together. “Why?”

I took a deep breath, trying to steady the pounding of my heart. “Because, Hugh… I’m your boss. And after everything that happened with Marcus, the last thing I want is to repeat the same mistakes. To let a power imbalance cloud my judgment, or worse, to make you feel you don’t have a choice.”

Hugh’s eyes widened, a flicker of surprise crossing his features. But then his expression softened, and he reached up to cup my cheek with his free hand. His touch was gentle, almost reverent, and I found myself leaning into it despite my reservations.

“Donovan,” he murmured, “You’re nothing like Marcus. You would never abuse your position or take advantage of me. I know that with every fiber of my being.”

I wanted to believe him. God, how I wanted to believe him. But the scars from my past ran deep, and I couldn’t shake the fear that history might repeat itself.

“How can you be so sure?” I whispered, my voice cracking slightly. “How do you know I won’t hurt you, even if I don’t mean to?”

Hugh’s thumb brushed lightly across my cheekbone, tracing the line of my jaw. “Because I know you, Donovan. And you’d never hurt me on purpose.”

Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes. “I’m scared, Hugh,” I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper. “Scared of messing this up, of losing you, of getting hurt again. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to take that risk.”

Hugh’s hand slid from my cheek to the back of my neck, his fingers threading gently through my hair. “You don’t have to be strong enough on your own, Donovan. We can be strong together. We can take this one day at a time, figure it out as we go. All I know is that I want to be with you in whatever way you’ll have me.”

I stared at him, my heart swelling with fear and longing. Every instinct I had was telling me to pull away, to protect myself from the potential heartbreak that loomed on the horizon. But as I looked into Hugh’s eyes, I saw a future there that I couldn’t ignore.

Taking a deep, shuddering breath, my decision crystallized in my mind. Slowly, I leaned forward, closing the remaining distance between us until our foreheads were touching, our noses brushing lightly against each other.

“I want this, Hugh,” I breathed, my voice trembling but certain. “I want you. I’m terrified, but I’m also tired of letting my fear control me. I’m tired of living half a life, always holding back, always wondering what could have been.”

Hugh’s eyes shimmered with emotion. “Then let’s be brave together,” he murmured, his lips hovering just a hairsbreadth from mine. “Let’s take the leap and see where we land.”

And with that, he closed the gap between us, his lips meeting mine in a kiss that was both gentle and searing. I melted into him, my hands coming up to tangle in his hair as his arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer until there was no space left between us.

In that moment, everything else fell away – the doubts, the fears, the ghosts of my past that had haunted me for so long. All that mattered was Hugh, and the way he made me feel alive in a way I hadn’t been in years.

As we broke apart, breathless and flushed, I couldn’t help the grin that spread across my face. Hugh mirrored my expression, his eyes sparkling with a mix of joy and wonder.

“That was…” he started, his voice low and slightly hoarse.

“Amazing,” I finished for him, my heart still racing in my chest. “Absolutely amazing.”

Hugh grinned, his hand sliding up to cup my cheek again. “I was going to say life-changing, but amazing works, too.” He leaned in, capturing my lips once more in a kiss that quickly turned heated. I parted my lips, inviting his tongue deeper inside me as my hands roamed over his back and shoulders, feeling the lean muscles beneath his shirt.

Without breaking the kiss, Hugh gently pushed me back onto the bed, his body covering mine as his weight settled between my thighs. I gasped at the contact, my hips arching up instinctively to meet his. Hugh groaned softly into my mouth, one hand sliding down my side to grip my hip.

“Donovan,” he breathed against my lips, his voice rough with desire. “Tell me you want this. Tell me it’s okay.”

Making It Real is the first full-length novel in the Making It Series. It’s available exclusively at my personal bookstore Cruz Publishing for the next week. To read it now, check out my bookstore!

Colliding with the Past: When Benjamin Meets Deacon Again

After more than a decade apart, Benjamin Kensington returns to his family estate—only to come face-to-face with the one man he never truly let go of. In this long-overdue reunion, old tensions and undeniable chemistry simmer beneath the surface as Benjamin and Deacon Langford meet again in the dusty confines of the Kensington barn. But with history between them as weathered as the estate itself, will they find common ground… or just reopen old wounds?

Read on for Chapter 3 of Making It Real, where the past and present collide in the most unexpected way.

The late afternoon sun stretched long golden fingers across the fields, the tall grass swaying like waves on a restless sea. The scent of honeysuckle and warm earth filled the air, wrapping around me in a way that felt almost too familiar. Too intimate.

I walked beside my mother, our steps crunching softly over the dirt path that led toward the barn. She talked a mile a minute, her voice light and lilting, as if I’d only been gone a few months instead of more than a decade.

“I just can’t tell you how pleased I am to have you back, Benji,” she said, looping her arm through mine. “Even if it’s just for a little while.”

I gave her a sideways glance. “You make it sound like I was lost at sea.”

“Well, weren’t you? New York, all that hustle and bustle—Lord knows I don’t understand how anyone could live in a city like that.” She patted my arm. “I always knew you’d come home, though. Kensington men always do.”

I swallowed. She hadn’t asked me about my being fired, and I wasn’t ready to talk about it. Not yet.

Instead, I let her chatter on about the latest local news—the Hansons’ dog finally had her puppies, some new bakery had opened up on Route 33, and Lord help us all, Lucille Montgomery had been in three car accidents over the past year. Mom wondered when they’d take her license away.

I nodded along, but my attention was elsewhere.

For the first time, I really looked at my mother.

She was still the formidable Maggie Kensington, with her perfectly styled hair and that air of effortless Southern charm, but there were new lines around her eyes, a certain tiredness in the way she moved. When had she started looking… older?

Something uneasy settled in my chest. Maybe it really was time to come home.

Not permanently, of course. Just long enough to make sure she was okay.

We rounded the bend, and the barn came into view.

I nearly stopped in my tracks.

The old place looked like hell.

The once-bright red paint had long since faded to a tired, splintered gray. The roof sagged in places, and I didn’t even want to think about the condition of the inside.

Mom let out a sigh, shaking her head. “Lord, it needs work.”

That was putting it mildly.

She gave me a sideways glance. “You remember how beautiful it used to be?”

I did. I remembered everything.

Sneaking in here as kids, building forts in the loft, whispering secrets in the dark. And later—much later—stealing away to this very barn in the heat of summer, pressing Deacon against the rough wooden beams, feeling the solid strength of him beneath my hands, tasting sweat and salt and something sweeter than anything New York had ever offered me.

I swallowed hard.

Deacon.

Jesus. What if I saw him while I was here?

Would he still hate me? Probably.

I deserved it.

I’d spent years trying not to think about how I’d treated him. The cruel words I’d said. About the way I’d tried to shape him into someone he wasn’t, someone who would fit neatly into the polished future I’d imagined for myself.

But he’d been right.

He wasn’t meant for skyscrapers and boardrooms. His destiny was this land, the fields, and the sun on his skin.

And God help me, I’d never felt as safe, as seen, as whole as I had when I was with him.

Mom gave my arm a little squeeze. “Come on, let’s look inside.”

I took a breath and followed her into the dim interior, expecting dust and disrepair.

What I wasn’t expecting was him.

Deacon stood in the middle of the barn, shirt in hand, his tanned skin gleaming with a light sheen of sweat. He looked like something out of a damned painting, the afternoon sun cutting through the slats in golden beams, lighting him up like a statue of a god—earthy and strong, carved from muscle and memory.

My breath caught in my throat.

Deacon’s eyes locked onto mine, and for a moment, time folded in on itself.

I wasn’t Benjamin Kensington, the man who’d clawed his way up the corporate ladder. I wasn’t the guy who had just lost everything.

I was eighteen again.

I was standing in this barn, my hands buried in Deacon’s hair, my lips pressed to his, the world outside falling away.

Heat crawled up my neck, and I realized, with no small amount of horror, that I was blushing.

Mom clapped her hands together, oblivious to the tension that had sucked all the air out of the barn.

“Well, now! Isn’t this just perfect?” she said, beaming between us. “The two of you, back together, just like old times.”

Not exactly, Mother.

She turned to me with a wide smile. “You know, Deacon’s been helping me out around here for years. I was just saying how much this place needs work—wouldn’t it be wonderful if you two worked on it together? Just imagine it, Benji! The two of you, bringing the estate back to its former glory.”

Her voice was light, hopeful.

Deacon’s face was unreadable.

And me?

I was wondering how the hell I was supposed to survive this.

Mom kept talking, her voice bright with excitement, but I wasn’t listening.

I couldn’t.

Deacon’s gaze locked onto mine, and for the life of me, I couldn’t look away.

Those eyes—icy blue, sharp as ever, even in the hazy light filtering through the barn. When we were younger, I used to swear they could see right through me, past all the charm and bravado, straight to the things I didn’t dare admit.

Now?

Now they held me in place like a snare.

The golden shafts of afternoon light caught the flush creeping up his chest, dusting across his neck before settling high on his cheeks. He turned away first, and I exhaled, realizing I’d been holding my breath.

Was that embarrassment? Or something else?

Did he still hate me?

Or had seeing me again hit him just as hard as it had hit me?

“Benji, did you hear me?” Mom’s voice pulled me back, her perfectly manicured hands gesturing around the barn. “I said we need to find a way to make this place profitable again.”

“Hmm?” I asked, still too caught up in Deacon’s presence to register the question.

Deacon shifted, rolling his shoulders, then cleared his throat.

“It’s good to see you, Benjamin.” His voice was low, rough around the edges, like he hadn’t spoken much today. Maybe he hadn’t.

That flush from before deepened across his throat, and something tightened low in my stomach.

I opened my mouth, but before I could respond, Mom jumped in again.

“Benji, I asked how we can make Kensington House profitable. Property taxes are going up, but there’s next to no revenue coming in.”

I blinked at her, barely processing the question. My mind was still stuck on Deacon, on the way his voice had brushed against my skin like a whisper of a touch.

Mom huffed, impatience creeping into her tone.

“Well?”

I rubbed my temples, sighing. “Maybe we’d be better off selling it to someone who actually cares about it.”

The words had barely left my mouth before I realized my mistake.

Mom’s eyebrows shot skyward. Deacon frowned, jaw tightening as his eyes darkened.

The air in the barn shifted.

Mom placed a hand on her hip. “Benjamin Kensington, I cannot believe you just said that.”

“Mom—”

“This land has been in our family for generations.” She waved an arm toward the open barn doors. “Do you have any idea how much history is here? Your grandfather, your great-grandfather, every ancestor before them—they worked this land, they built this home, and you think selling it is the answer?”

I sighed again, this time heavier. “I’m just saying—”

“No.”

The word came from Deacon.

I turned toward him, surprised by the sharp edge in his tone.

“You never change,” he muttered, shaking his head. “You never gave a damn about this place. Benjamin, you’re lucky to have it, and you can’t even see that.”

A prickle of irritation worked its way up my spine.

“That’s not fair,” I said, leveling him with a look. “It’s easy for you to say that. You stayed.”

“Yeah,” Deacon said, eyes flashing. “I did.”

The weight of what he wasn’t saying settled between us.

I left home and never looked back.

Until now.

I sighed, trying to smooth things over. “Look, I didn’t mean—”

“Enough of that,” Mom interrupted, waving a hand as if physically dismissing the tension. “I asked you here to talk about solutions, not start up old arguments.”

Deacon exhaled through his nose, but kept quiet.

Mom turned to him, a hopeful smile on her face. “Deacon, I’d like to hire you to work on the estate. We can start with the barn—it needs more work than anything.”

Deacon’s posture relaxed slightly, his gaze shifting toward the exposed beams above us.

She continued, “And another thing—what about all that old farm equipment we don’t use? I was thinking we could sell some of it.”

Deacon finally turned, his eyes scanning the far corner of the barn. My gaze followed his, landing on a hulking piece of rust-covered machinery. I didn’t know what it was, but I could tell by the look on his face that he did.

Slowly, he faced Mom again, and for the first time since we’d walked in, he smiled.

A genuine smile.

Soft. Familiar. The kind that made my stomach tighten for reasons I didn’t want to think about.

Instead of answering immediately, he walked over to the piece of equipment, running a hand along the corroded metal. Then he turned back to Mom.

“How about this?” he said. “Instead of paying me money, I’ll work in exchange for some of this old equipment.”

Mom’s face lit up. “That’s a fine idea! Lord knows we don’t need half the things stored in this barn.”

“Deal,” Deacon said, giving her a small nod.

Mother clasped her hands together, positively beaming. “Oh, Deacon, this is just wonderful! With your help, we’ll have this place looking like it should again.”

Deacon gave her a small nod, but his expression was careful, guarded. His fingers trailed along the rusted edge of the old farm equipment, his focus seemingly on anything but me.

Then Mother turned in my direction, her keen eyes narrowing.

“And you,” she said, pointing a manicured finger in my direction. “You’re going to help.”

I blinked. “What?”

“You heard me, Benji. Deacon can’t do all this by himself.”

Deacon shifted beside me. I caught the way his throat worked as he swallowed, a fresh blush creeping up his neck. He hesitated before muttering, “Let Benjamin handle the business side of things. I can take care of—”

“Oh, nonsense,” Mother interrupted, waving off his protest. “Benji needs to get his hands dirty again. He needs to understand how lucky he is to have this place.”

I exhaled through my nose, resisting the urge to roll my eyes. “Mom—”

She wasn’t finished. “And besides, I remember how happy you boys used to be, working out here together.”

My stomach twisted at that.

She stepped away from us, walking toward the hulking old tractor in the corner. It was ancient, covered in dust and rust, but I could still picture it as it once was—faded red, chugging along the fields under the hot Virginia sun.

Mother ran her fingers over the worn metal, then turned back with a smile. “I’ll never forget the sight of you two on this thing. Deacon, bush hogging the pastures, Benji perched behind you, hanging on for dear life.” She laughed, a soft, nostalgic sound. “You two had the best time, always laughing.”

Deacon’s shoulders tensed, and for the briefest moment, something flickered in his expression—something tight and unreadable.

I swallowed, suddenly too aware of how still the barn had become. The only sounds were the faint creak of the rafters and the distant chirping of cicadas.

Then, just as quickly as it came, whatever crossed Deacon’s mind disappeared behind a careful mask. His lips twitched into a small, tight smile.

“I’ll do whatever you want, Miss Maggie.”

A strange feeling settled in my chest—something close to relief.

Deacon grabbed his shirt from where it had been hanging, shaking out the fabric before pulling it over his head. The sweat on his skin made it cling to his torso for a moment, outlining the shape of him before he tugged it into place.

I should’ve looked away.

But I didn’t.

“Benji?” Mother’s voice jolted me from my thoughts. “Are you going to pitch in too?”


Making It Real publishes on February 26, 2025. It is available for a discounted preorder price of 2.99 for the ebook, and on release day the price goes up to 3.99, so lock in the lower price now by preordering the book from your favorite online retailer. It’s available on Amazon, Apple Books, Google Play, Kobo, Nook, and Smashwords.